Runaway.

Sometimes I get this twinkling little idea in my head and I wonder what it would be like to run away and leave this life behind and become all shiny and new and I feel like I'm writing an eighties song.

If I left this life, these friends, this family, these belongings, this past behind and shed my skin, would I be the same? Would I still be the responsible one that makes sure everyone gets home safely and loves planning (even if procrastination is my very best friend in the entire world) and always gets the chance to say "I told you so" even if I never take it (smugness is attractive, right? Right?)? Would I still question most of my decisions and hold grudges and love deeply and collect things because clutter makes me feel comforted and I am not a crazy, hording person who makes paths around the stacks of stuff. Yet. Would I still be that person?

If I left the people who love me, who I love behind, would I still be me? Or would I be shiny and new and all tabula rasa out the ying yang? Would I laugh differently? Smile at things I don't get now and get passionately angry about deforestation instead of just scared and worried? Be happy with what comes?

Would I be mysterious and sexy and open and warm and never be sarcastic again? Would I never doubt myself if I didn't have all those voices in my head, in my past? Would I trust people a little more if I could just leave the ones that hurt me? Would I lose the ear and shoulder that people love me for, depend on me for? Would I finally figure out what it's all about and the grand plan and destiny and fate and the stars?

Would I still love Project Runway?